Lory Gaur
“He laughed. He looked at me and laughed. I bled and he just laughed.” Her face was passive, expressionless while she narrated her first sexual encounter with her husband. Bano never saw her parents’ face. Brought up by her uncle in a small village near Kolkata, she led a listless life. I was visiting one of the brothels where I happened to stumble upon this woman in her early twenties, smoking a chillum. “Ghum bhulane mein help karta hai ye”, she said (It helps me forget my sorrows). As intrigued as I was, I had to tread carefully. I didn’t want her to get upset and leave.
“How old were you when you got married?”, I asked her. The weed might have kicked in by then, because after that, she told me her tale like it was a Bollywood movie’s story. Bano was an orphan raised by her maternal uncle. He had six children of his own and he took no interest in how Bano’s life was shaping up. She was often subjected to physical and verbal abuse and was never sent to school. Her uncle was a gambler who lost huge amount of money during one of his “games”. Bano was 13 years old then. The man who he lost the money to was a local goon and demanded that his money be paid back soon with interest. The uncle had no money to pay, but he did have a niece to sell! He married Bano off to that man and cut off all ties with her. She was sold for Rs. 3500 at the age of 13.
With her placid face, she went on with her story. She told how she bled the first time her husband, who was some 15 years older than her, forced his manhood on her. She said that she cried and screamed and yelled and begged for forgiveness; begged for mercy. She didn’t know what had she done to deserve this kind of monstrosity. “Fir maine uski aankhein dekhi. Aisa laga ki uski aankhon mein khoon utar aaya tha.” (then I saw his eyes. It seemed that blood was drooping from his eyes). The man kept laughing looking at the blood dripping through her thighs. Then he told her that she was only worth a fuck!! That she belonged to him, and that she was his bitch. The animal kept biting and feasting on her for many months. One fine day, he travelled with her to Kolkata. She was sold to a brothel owner in Sonegachi for
Rs. 15,000. The man returned to his first wife. And thus started another journey of agony and pain.
Bano ran away from Kolkata and came to Mumbai (Kamathipura) 3 years ago. She doesn’t trust anybody and says, “Yahan koi kisi ka saga nahin” (Nobody belongs to nobody here). She earns for herself and her daughter who lives with one of her friends in Kolkata. She doesn’t want to bring her here. “This world, this place is ugly, I am ugly here. I don’t want her to see this side of me. It’s too late for me to go back. But I will never let my daughter be dragged into this hell.”
A point of no return is what she calls her predicament. Having cut all ties from the outside world, Bano has slowly slipped away into oblivion. Nobody is welcomed in her heart anymore. She has never loved a man. The only emotion she feels for them is despise. She has learned it the hard way that it’s a man’s world and she has to either fight or quietly surrender to the fake male dominance. She has built an impermeable wall around herself which cannot be breached by any living soul, let alone her daughter.
As, I climbed down the stairs, I wondered how many Banos lived in these dark, sex stained by-lanes. How many more would I meet? And how many more will continue living the life of seclusion as if they never existed. (*name changed for confidentiality reasons)
English