European woman in India

Francesca Benelli

There are lots of good people in India, who you can trust and be friends with but you can’t be friendly with people who offer themselves blatantly to you. As a single woman, I was constantly amazed by the beauty and chaos and raw humanity of this incredible country. India will cut to the core of your soul and overwhelm your senses in a way like no other place on earth. It may not be the easiest country to navigate alone, but it will certainly be one of the most life transforming experiences you ever have. If you can keep your heart and mind open and have good sense of humor, then this is a destination you won’t want to miss.

I have had my share of the good, the bad and the ugly, so here are some helpful tips I picked up along the way to help you have the most positive experience. But European and Indian culture about women are totally different: we can smoke everywhere, man and woman, is not forbidden in most cases except inside public places. We can be married or not at 30 years old (in most cases we’re not) we can work like man, be policeman, doctor, surgeon, we can drink a beer in a pub completely alone, BUT we are not “easiest” than yours women and if I have a tattoo and I travel alone, no, it doest’n means that we can have sex. Absolutly not. This is a big topic of discussion in India if you are a woman traveling alone. When locals find out you aren’t married, be prepared for a lot of different feedback. I have been asked to walk around a temple nine times to find a husband. I have been sent to astrologers. I was even pulled over by a policeman and berated, not for driving my motorcycle without any papers, but for not being married. I often wear a simple band around my finger just to keep unwanted questions and interest at bay. If you are already married then you’ve got it made.

India is still a very conservative country. Despite the heat and perpetual sweating, make sure to always carry a shawl to cover your shoulders, wear knee length or longer pants along with tops long enough to cover your bottom. Some of the most comfortable attire to travel the country in are the traditional Kurtas – cotton tunics which are flowing, breathable and beautiful. These are readily available at any market place or shop and look fabulous paired with loose pants, jeans or tights. Tank tops and tight fitting clothing will solicit unwanted attention and is considered disrespectful at sacred sites and temples. Bikinis or being topless are not synonymous with any part of Indian culture and are not safe or appropriate on beaches (Indian men line up for glimpses of beautiful women in places such as Goa and Kovalam). You will get harassed. As much as we all like to feel appreciated and beautiful, you don’t want these packs of men blowing you kisses and stalking you through the streets. If you are a woman and you travel alone, take help and advice from people who are modest and intend to help you according to ‘your’ interests rather than their own vested interests and first thing first, do make it a point to understand the Indian way of thinking.

A certain section of men here like to stare at women in a strange manner. On the contrary, there are men who don’t even look straight in your face! They look down in respect. So, if you get some derogatory gestures or remarks, you also get a great amount of respect from several men in India. As a foreigner, you can ensure that you dress modestly and don’t get friendly or smoke in public places. Hold your purse strings in other things like food, transport and shopping, but never let a cheap hotel stay ruin your
safety. Buy a good accommodation, I don’t just mean comfort and amenities; I also mean a decent hotel manager, staff and co-guests.

Public transport, such as buses and local trains are always better modes of commuting compared to taxis. Whether it’s a taxi driver pushing you to use his services, a woman selling mangoes on the road, shopping in an air-conditioned store selling high-end silk saris, in a bus, airport, market or restaurant, don’t be afraid to just say, “no!” In a city like Delhi, where there are nice AC buses and a large metro network, it is absolutely smooth for a woman to travel on her own. And in case you need to travel by a taxi, make sure that you build a rapport with the cabby. Talk to him before your journey begins and suggest him that your safety is his responsibility too. Solo travel in India isn’t as unsafe as it’s made out to be.

India is a beautiful country both geographically and culturally, thus, a traveller should feel free to visit it, explore it and embrace it. You may be on a pilgrimage, you may be there to see the sights, you may be there to just journey across the country and take it as it comes, but whatever your reason for traversing across the globe to this country of paradigms and chaos, you will need a sense of humor. Nothing here is as it seems. India is one of the friendliest, happiest places on earth, but if you are used to structure, punctuality, and what you see is what you get, you are in for a big surprise.

India is a country of color and contradiction, “yes” means “no”, “no” means “maybe”, “10am” means “noon” or “tomorrow”, 100 rupees can turn into 1000, and directions to one place may lead you to a totally different place. Smile, breathe and take your time because India will demand it of you. Laugh, cry and just go with the flow. Take care of yourself, be alert, open and take everything with a grain of salt. This experience will transform your life and truly speak to your soul.