I was born in West Bengal. After my father got a job in TATA we came to Dhanbad. My father was initially born in Azamgarh. All my education happened in Dhanbad. My elder father, who lived in Azamgarh, fixed my marriage to an only child and rich guy in 1992. I hadn’t even completed my 9th grade. In 1996, my father got my younger brother a job in TATA only and in 1998 after retirement my father returned to Azamgarh. Today my brother’s salary is 90,000.
Azamgarh is a very good place. The food and people living there are also very good. The only demerit is that if a woman wants to stay away from her husband, after the death of her parents her brothers and sisters-in-law do not accept her. If her husband dies, her life becomes hell.
When I went from Azamgarh city to Azamgarh village after marriage, I could not easily adapt to their ways and adjust. I had to suffer a lot. Sometimes I would burn food and sometimes I could not perform some other task. My neighbors used to talk a lot about these things and I tried a lot to improve myself. My mother-in-law died. My father-in-law and my husband used to beat me and exploit me a lot.
I told my father to take me back, I don’t want to stay here. We have a tradition here in West Bengal that after the marriage of a girl, she cannot go back to her maternal home. People believe that once her dolly has been taken to her husband’s home, then her bier would also makes its way out from her husband’s home only. My father said that this is your destiny and you have to live your life accordingly. The religion of women is to serve the husband and suffer whatever comes along the way.
When I was a little girl The Tata Trust had a center where I used to take dance classes. I have also worked a lot with tribal women in Dhanbad, which was earlier part of Bihar and now I have come to Jharkhand. When I was in seventh and eighth grade, I was very well known there and I used to get a lot of praise for my work. My mind was settled there.
Before marriage, Bde papa asked my father if he wanted to make me ‘Nachaniya’ and certainly I should stop taking dance classes. Eventually I got married. The miseries I had with my in-laws made me determined to never go back there.
My father has read 5 Granth, yet in our house girls were never given equal status, even equal food was not available. Lack of proper food staggered our physical development. We never got to eat needy things like fish and onions, whereas my brother used to get all this. I always used to steal from my brother’s food or eat it together with him. It happened many times that when I was beaten by my in-laws, I would return to my maternal home. My father did not like me coming back again and again, he had told me clearly that the in-law is your home, whether you die there doesn’t matter but do not come back here.
When I was a teenager and my body started changing, I had no relationship with my husband at that time. Even he didn’t come close to me on the first night of our marriage. At that time, I never got the support and connections that I needed. There was no relationship between me and my husband, neither mentally nor physically.
After many years, when relatives and neighbors came to know about this, they told me that you force yourself on him and make some physical relations. But my husband had a relationship with his aunt in the same village.
I was very fond of radio. I requested and my father got me a radio. At that time, a Sakhi Saheli program from Maharashtra used to telecast on Akashvani, I got inspired to do something because of that program, from there my courage and understanding also developed.
Once upon a time, my husband hit me so hard that he had my ear drum damaged. I went back to the maternal home and my father sent me for treatment with my brother who lived in Dhanbad. There were no good doctors in Azamgarh at that time. I met my old friend Mala in Dhanbad. When she came to know about my situation she told me ” Don’t spend your whole life for someone, this is not especially to waste over a man”. She told me that there is much more to do other than love. Everything in life is not about love. Mala brought back my spirit again.
When I returned back to Azamgarh my father told me that a letter had arrived from my in-law’s and I should go back to where I belong. This time I was adamant and refused to go back. I told him that I want to file a case against my husband now. I lived with my husband from 1992 to 1998 and then left. The next question was where would the money come from to fight the case?
I used to stitch clothes. I would go from one house to another collecting the money to stitch their clothes. Usually the amount varied from 2 to 5 rupees for each clothing item and I used to fight the case with the sum I would collect.
Once upon a time, a Muslim woman was sitting outside the court and crying because her case was not being filed. She did not have enough money to fight it. I went to her, talked to her about what is it that is really bothering her. I offered to go with her to her village. I met Maulana and asked if it was justified to oppress women under Muslim religion. I got the panchayat organized and asked in the full meeting that is it a misfortune or impure to be a women? If the woman were not to be born, where would you come from? I also sent that woman to her house. Even today she is living happily in her house and this was how I took my first step towards helping women.
I resumed my studies from Azamgarh, completed school, B.A and then LLB. Whenever I used to go to the court I used to feel bad because the women around were always sitting in sorrow. At that time I had decided to become a lawyer. And I am very happy to say that today I have delivered justice to 600 women. Some 300 to 400 girls who had left their schools have been admitted back to school.
On 24 July 2015, Akhilesh Ji honored me with the Rani Laxmibai Award. It seems to me that women are getting double treated. Every leader speaks in the High Court, Supreme Court that the empowerment of women is going on but there is nothing like this. I do not say that Women get equal status. If there are 22 blocks in Azamgarh giving equal status means 11 men and 11 women B.D.O. But it is not so. All women struggle and whatever they come up with in their fields, that is because of their own hard work.
When I lived with my father, my husband used to pay me only for maintenance. A woman gets a share in the husband’s land only after the husband dies. The whole life goes out in maintenance. If seen, women are pushed forward everywhere, in trouble, in court, but even today, the decision-makers are men only and women do not get this opportunity. After some time when I filed a case to demand equal rights in my father’s property, my husband filed the report and somehow proved that I am able enough to fund myself, which stopped my maintenance. I stopped my ongoing case with my husband because it would cost me a lot of time and money which would stop me from achieving my main motive of development of society.
In Rajbhar society, if I talk about laborers, then 75% of whatever they earn is spent by the men on alcohol, and the remaining 25% is left in which neither the children are able to complete their education nor the wives are able to maintain household expenses . They are beaten and exploited because they asks for expenses.
If I talk about educated section then being educated does not necessarily mean that the person is wise and smart. Again, if the wife demands to go out or start some work of her own then the matter again stops at them being exploited.
I do not think women are given any special status in texts like Mahabharata and Ramayana. In 2005, Congress enacted three laws.
1. The daughter has equal rights in the father’s property, whether she is married or not.
2. A rule was made against child labor
And the third was domestic violence, that is, violence inside the house. The wife could also fight a case of domestic violence by staying in her husband’s house. In 2011, my hearing was going on. I had filed in 2005 and my case was going on for 6 years. Radha Kund was the woman judge there and she had my file with her. The case was not coming to an end and I really felt miserable. When I was standing in court room I said send me to my home. My father tells me that my home is where my husband lives. My husband tells me that my home is where my parents live. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to live? If I have a home in this country, then send me there and if you do not send me, then I will commit suicide. The judge scolded me and told me to go to my in-laws’ house for 3 months where I was also promised security. My husband did not accept me and I returned to my maternal home.
I couldn’t finish my last semester in 2013 because of my father’s death. I have read a lot of books related to crime against women and have knowledge of laws. Women need to stand for their rights whenever possible. There are various laws in India but they are very weak.
I remember well one day, my father and I were going to the court by bus in the month of June. I asked him for ₹ 10 because I was very thirsty and he refused to give me money. At that time, I could not say anything, but yes I used to think in my heart that people consider boy a descendant at home. I took care of him from buying him clothes to his favorite food items. I took care of my mother. My brother did not even have time to visit us. I feel very happy that anyone can change their destiny if there is a desire to do so and I have done so. My elder sister, who is 50 years old and widowed, was married at the age of 9. She also lives with us and my father did not remarry her.
After my father’s death, my brother threw us out of our house, so I filed a case for equal share in property of my father. In Azamgarh, I could not find any qualified lawyer who said that yes, I will help you with the case. Everyone made excuses. Finally I went and talked to my mother that you didn’t bother enough to marry me to someone else, now brother has also taken away our house, the society will not allow us to live. After this, my mother registered her share of land in my name.
It was the festival of Holi in March 2018. A girl from Rajbhar society and a baniya boy were in relationship. He made her abort their child and was going to marry some other girl. I caught him and threatened him. Have you considered a girl a mere object? You cannot use her and throw her out off your life. I made him marry her. When I returned home, my brother sued me under 379 stating that I had stolen my mother’s gems from my house. The second 402 lawsuit said that I had put my mother under house arrest and this led to more prosecutions. I told the police that you can arrest me only when you recover stolen goods. After the entire investigation, only the report came because I had not committed any crime. I was not weak and received no punishment.
Every year on March 8, I go to Jail and check the copy of the women who are locked up inside and about 50 percent have said that they have not committed any crime.
My father had two houses and four acres of land. The property was not allocated to each of us according to the shares. Firstly, lawyers were not ready to take my case. The second thing is that if a girl takes possession of her father’s property, the she is supposed to live in her father’s home. There is nothing like this in my case. No matter how much love a brother or sister may have, no brother can still distribute his land. When two brothers break off the relationship of blood, giving it to the sister still raises a question.
Some people have also said that “ladki toh praya dhan(alien money) hoti hai” which means her real place belongs with her in-laws. I ask them first you tell me the definition of money. How can you name a living woman after a non-living thing like money? You materialize a woman the moment she is born and this definitely should not be done.
In the movie Aakhir Kyun starring Ashrani and Smriti Patel there is a song ” Komal hai kamjoor nahi, shakti ka naam hi naari hai, jagjeevan dene wali maut bhi tumse haari hai.”
(She is soft but not weak, the second name of strength is woman, the one who has given birth to this world and death has kneeled itself in front of her)
No matter how many laws are made in India, gender bias is never going to end. I suffered a lot wherever I have lived be it with my husband or my father. At times, I have slept without food for 3 days. The more people used to challenge me the more I would stand still to fight for the cause. I felt to make a group for women once I had seen almost every other woman in misery. I made Swayam Shayta Smahu to help women. I am very happy to tell you that I and my group have helped 3000 women till now to fight for their rights.
We try to create social pressure and also take help of laws. Just a few days ago a child came running to me ” Aunty save my mother otherwise my father would kill her” he said. I went there, handled the situation and asked the guy to stop otherwise I would be forced to call the police. He stopped and when I saw the women I was devastated. She had been beaten way too much. Her clothes were torn and her husband had broken a broomstick by beating her. I cooked her something and after some time her brother came and took her. The same man came after 10 days and tried to beat me. He started blaming me that his wife has gone and whatever happened was my fault. When he started threatening me I called police and had him arrested.
When any woman goes to the police, they scold her and drive her away. If that woman comes to us, we go to the police and our team talks out everything. We question them and then they take the case. Women have to face a lot of trouble in their lawsuits, that’s why a whole network has to be made of people, women and lawyers. I have a lot of cases, sometimes 25 sometimes 10. I and my team works with all our dedication. Both male and female lawyers are associated with me. Lawyers are given rupee 50 per hearing not more than that so that t is suitable for both victims and lawyers.
Whether a husband is a millionaire or a beggar, he has to give maintenance. To provide with suitable maintenance, it is seen that the woman has a minor or the family members are with her. After thinking all these things a woman gets maintenance. Sometimes male lawyers try to convince women to reduce their maintenance. As soon as the case is filed in the court, after that we always fight that all the money that she is getting can increase.
In 2013, I received an offer from a magazine. For 1 year I avoided it but in January 2014, the editor came to my house with two people. I proposed that I will work with you only if you make me the editor of your magazine. After three-four days, he agreed to my condition but he said that I give you 10 minutes, show me that you can write something good. At the same time I had case of a woman who was raped the same day, I wrote
Naari teri kya laachari hai, tu mauka mayi tu dyawaan
Fir bhi tu kis qismat ki maari hai, naari teri kya laachari hai
Raat ke andhere me tu khi aa jaa nahi sakti
Na dar janwar ka na dar bhoot ka
Fir tu kis dar ki maari hai, Naari teri kya laachari hai
He read and immediately gave me the post of editor . For 1 year I worked in that magazine. Later, I went to Nalanda, a hilly region in Bihar. Those women who collect forest wood face a lot of exploitation. They are known as Rajwanshi and come under the Rajbhar society. There I circulated the magazine and wrote about them. Men cannot take the success of a woman. Whenever I used to print about the difficulties of the women there, they did not like it. I used to compose that magazine too. I left the magazine because I wanted to do things on my own. After I left, magazine was also eventually stopped.
I live in Azamgarh city and now I have sent my mother home due to quarantine. My mother has diabetes, thyroid and some other illnesses. Once upon a time I was going back home. There is also a problem that people comment unnecessarily. Women or girls are teased a lot.
Once I was sitting in an auto. The driver asked me what if I kidnap you. I told him that if you have such a sense and if you have so much courage then take me. I got a call from SP sir. He talked to me about the file and cases of women, the auto guy listened to it and when he left me, I slapped him and asked if his family had not given him enough manners. In the end, I told him he has not grown enough to kidnap me and he never would be.
Today there are many women who are capable and are not allowed to come forward. I have a lot of cases of women, after marriage even the family members do not let them work. Those who do jobs are also exploited. A woman whose husband is in the army and who is herself the headmaster of a primary school used to get exploited. When this case came to me, I asked that husband you are the protector of our country. You respect your mother and in the meantime if you are exploiting your wife, then you are somewhere very wrong. If I complain, then you can lose your job. Once I had threatened enough not to exploit his wife again I made him understand well the way he should treat women.
We are reporting and handling more cases now because the laborers are coming back home due to which the violence is increasing. It does not create much difference for me. I do all my work from my office. I am still enrolled the same in working for the rights of women.
I didn’t tell people earlier that I belong to Rajbhar society. As people started connecting with me, I started connecting with more and more groups. Most of the members of these groups have majority of male guys. Whenever it comes to praising something in our society, people chant the same slogan Jai Suheldev. I always talk to them and say Jai Bandi Devi. She was a woman in our society, just as Suheldev’s name comes, so should her name.
A case had just arrived. A Rajbhar society boy and a girl used to meet each other. When the girl’s family members came to know about this, they along with the family members of the boys killed the boy. A message popped up on a group from a person in Varanasi, he wrote that the girl is also a stigma for our society, she is spreading dirt, and she should also be killed. At this time, I wrote on the group that the people of the girl’s house have already gone inside jail for one murder and if they commit another murder, then the high would not issue orders to let them move out even on bail. You are trying to ruin the lives of a lot of people. Well, things keep on happening, but whenever I say something in these groups which consists of only men, the whole group becomes silent.
There is a case which created a lot of tension between me and people who were close to me and many who used to greet me every day. A 17 year old girl used to wash utensils and in her neighborhood there was a woman of Rajbhar society who used to sell alcohol. People often used to come to her to ask for glasses but she would refuse. Once the husband of the women who used to sell alcohol came the girl but she threw water on his face. He grabbed her and took her to his home. His wife burned her with the help of alcohol. BSPA Government was involved in so the police refused to file a case. The girl was in terrible condition I somehow managed to S.D.O. He came and immediately her statement was noted down and soon after giving the statement the girl died. The guy who forcefully took her to his house asked me if I could settle it between the families. He also tried to bribe me with a lot of money. I refused to take the case back no matter what against his wife. I am often pressurized in the name of party in the name of casteism, but I never let these things come in between.
My husband is in Azamgarh village right now. He has sold all his property and still has affair with hs aunt. He drinks liquor I remember well he once told me that I will give you such a stumbling block that you will never be able to get somewhere in your life and you will have to beg to wear clothes on your body. When I was awarded the Rani Laxmibai Award in 2015, my name appeared on the first page in the newspaper and everyone praised me a lot. Many people tried contacting me again but I do not compromise with rules in my life.
I still hold the name of my husband because my father-in-law vowed to me that I will never leave the door and will not get married again. I replied to him that I will never love your boy nor hate him, neither would I like to see him nor will I ever bother him. I cannot live in this house but yes I will not marry another person because I want to stay alive in this society even after dying.
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